Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm not." - WOMEN

   I have an all-black cat, I named him Cracker. I've never had an all-white cat before..

   I can take care of my enemies.....but lord, please protect me from my friends ~ Unknown

   These feelings would go well with vodka.

   Whoever cast J-Lo in the movie "Anaconda" was a genius because anacondas don't want none unless you got buns, hun.

   Math quiz! If I have 1 boss and she has 4 personalities. How much should I spend on her x-mas present ?

   Dear Curiosity: Just put down the gun and let's talk this out. -The Cat

   The Google self-driving car should have an "I'm Feeling Lucky" button that drives you to a random location.

   "Correct me if I'm wrong but I'm not." - MEN

   I may have Alzheimer’s, but at least I don’t have Alzheimer’s

   Life is great... I don't have kids, aids or ebola.

   Look on the bright side Redskin fans...Anything is possible and maybe the Rams will trade three 1st round picks back for RGIII. ;)

   Kim Kardashian has already taught her daughter everything she knows.

   Life is more fun when you are on coffee or drunk.

   I sometimes wonder.... Is the word tofu, short for " tried-to-fool ya?"

   Should Dave Ramsey's website take credit cards?.... I wonder...

   Walked into Walmart and met a woman who had one callus on her toe. Does that make her a unicorn? Imagine that You can see unicorns at Walmart

   "Don't try to understand everything. Sometimes it is not meant to be understood, just accepted"; it means, I need money, or I'm idiot, or I'm crazy.

   Never date a woman over 35 whose cats are named after fashion designers.

   Beware the "filters on every selfie" woman.