Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Joan Rivers is in the hospital doing the kick the bucket challenge. . .

   Roses are red, violets are blue, a case of beer costs less than dinner for two. . .

   I think I will go for a drive, just to pick my nose. . .

   Oh yeah I almost forgot, I truly couldn't care any less that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt got married. She's just another example of rich white trash.

   Fact is. We'll all get to do the kick the bucket challenge. . .

   Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you're like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you're from Alabama)

   The music industry has suffered a great loss. Justin Bieber was found ALIVE in his hotel room.

   Have you ever seen that show River Monsters? I just renamed it “1,000 reasons I'm NOT getting off the boat

   Boy the way Led Zeppelin played, songs that debuted on MTVeeem, guys like us were getting laid. . . those were the days. . .

   Seriously, if someone else had been shot in Ferguson, you know Michael Brown would've been one of the looters.

   Forgive them father for they are not civilized or educated.

   After getting an astronomical quote from my mechanic, I am going to try the ABS challenge. That's where I drive my car without anti lock breaks, until someone donates for me to get it fixed!

   i am now doing my bucket list,until I kick the bucket challenge.

   I remember my first beer.....Ah, who I am kidding....I was too drunk to remember. Plus I was like 12 so...

   "What's in the box... WHAT'S IN THE BOX??!!!" Brad Pitt opening his wedding gifts.

   Dear Ladies We also have bouncy body parts, but you don't see us inserting wire into our underwear to keep them in place. Let em jiggle!

   Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person's confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.

   Relationship Status: After carefully weighing the options. Willing to give loneliness a try.

   Michael Jackson could do a very realistic Thriller video right now.

   I'm in it for the long run, as long as running isn't involved.