Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ..... Begining to think that Obama's official Border policy is to draw a Red Line in the sand along the Southern border.

   facebook has allowed me to bring my "he's a distraction to the rest of the class" from school to a global scale

   How to solve all the children crossing the southern border illegally, put all the registered sex offenders and pedifiles there to give them candy and greet them!

   Do not mess with bears. You'll be their victim. Yogi Bear wears clothes. Where did he get his clothes?,,, That's right - a victim

   I'm sorry for what I said before I had my coffee.

   Dogs are a man's best friend because they don't talk.

   I'm in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy

   The Brown Bear is similar to the Black Bear in most respects, however the Black Bear has a slightly more intricate handshake.

   It's ok, other ethnic groups. I'm afraid of drunk white chicks, too.

   I don't even pick up the soap after I drop it in my own shower. There's just something about me I don't trust.

   Actually, this is my first rodeo. Why is that angry cow trying to kill me?

   The best thing about drinking wine in a box is when you finish it, you can unfold the box and break dance on it....

   When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.

   Just opened the freezer and the vodka literally rolled out into my hands, no way I could ignore this sign from god.

   The music stopped for a second in the strip club and everyone heard me opening my Velcro wallet.

   Sorry, but the lifestyle that you ordered is currently out of stock. Please select another...

   Hitchhikers won't kill you if you kill them first.

   The kiss of death is what happens after the "I do's"

   I bet Ke$ha's parents, €arl and £inda, are super ashamed of her.

   I'm just a girl with a big butt, searching for a man who cannot lie.