Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Shout out to all the deadbeat dads and sperm donors this Father's Day. Unbeknownst to you, there are kids everywhere that are becoming AMAZING PEOPLE because they want to be nothing like you.

   She died doing what she loved. Taking a car selfie.

   Today is the most confusing day in the hood... You are not the father!!!!! Maury

   Just turned on the NBA game on the "Spur" of the moment.

   Just wrapped up a great Father's Day with a phone call with my Dad. He taught me everything I know about fishing, grilling,and fixing things. He also taught me what to say and how to say it if I stub my toe or hit my thumb with a hammer. Thanks Dad!

   Looks like LeBron is done till cramp begins next season.

   Poor Duane will have to Wade till next year.

   That moment when spurs get a 20 point lead and I got diarrhea.....

   whatever you do, no matter how hard it is. never engage panic mode

   Woman failed the battle of the sexes when you started to do pole dancing and class it as exercise

   Taco Bell is selling breakfast now?.. Cool, I guess I can move into the men's restroom... If you need me, I'll be in my new office.

   How to walk UP the down escalator:... Step 1:... Step 1:.... Step 1:... Step 1:...Step 1:...

   MONDAYS ARE LIKE THAT UNCLE THAT USED TO HOLD YOU DOWN AND FART IN YOUR FACE...he was laughing but we never were...

   Do you think after the World Cup they all have orange slices and drink capri suns after the game and then their moms pick them up in their minivans? ‪#‎SoccerSucks‬

   Breaking news: a massive earthquake measuring 8.8 on the Richter scale was just reported in south florida Don't be alarmed- it was just all of the heat bandwagon fans jumping off at the same time

   All the sin around today just means more girls for me in Heaven!!

   The NBA Finals was a circus for LeBron, except a circus has three rings.

   My car doesn't have a passenger airbag but don't worry, if we get in an accident all the McDonalds napkins in the glove box will cushion you

   ‪#‎bringbackourboys‬ Lets make peace not war. Lets love and not hate. We are all the same. We all have the same inspirations in life. Let's do good for each other and stop the hatred.

   Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.