Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   important status announcement - bacon sandwiches

   My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.

   I read today that when you have sex, you burn as many calories as running five miles. Who the hell runs five miles in two minutes??!!

   We've all seen that person on Social Media who likes to debate things as if they are a college professor. Dude...you're arguing with someone who uses "dat"

   I love to laugh but on this day I am remembering the Love and Sacrifice that Jesus did so that we could be saved.Amen !!

   Jesus was just either a good salesman or a good magician. Stop basing your life on a myth. Learn to face reality and deal with your problems like an adult and stop leaving them in the hands of a non-existent entity.

   MILEY CYRUS tour officially over:-CNN. *Sighh* CNN thank you for putting it as a headline.

   Are you on a date with me or with your phone? Just make sure that phone pays your share of this bill by the end of the night.

   Jesus IS the son of God and God's not dead. Stop living a self absorbed life holding to the flaeed ever-changing religion of Science. it is time that you understand that you are not the one in control.

   i got distracted by something and missed my ADHD meeting again.

   I had hoped my facebook page wouldn't lead to stalkers, but some girl named Sallie Mae found my number and has been calling me for months.

   Lol religious people are nuts

   She died doing what she loved! Telling me how to drive.

   If god gived us free will, why does everything, I mean everything we do a sin? He should have just made robots.

   omg black saturday makes me feel so awkward

   It's amazing how the brain works. I heard a song that I haven't heard in about ten years and I remembered it word for word. Yet when it came to my exams I barely even remembered how to hold my pen.

   It is so weak, so convenient, and so easy to disparage Christianity here.there is a profoundness and goodness about Easter that many here are to lazy and shallow to consider.

   Jesus was the only man to return from the dead and not eat brains.

   Non-religious people are idiots

   did Jesus died for Bin Laden's sins too?