Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   To me, the Poke feature is a litmus test to weed out the easy going girls from the uptight Medusa types.

   How great would it be if Justin Bieber and all of the Kardashians started flying on Malaysian Airlines?

   Please Spare a thought for the man who told his wife he was going to China on that Malaysian flight no MH. 370 and now can't come out of his girlfriend's flat.!

   Sweet! McDonalds must be still celebrating St. Patricks day today by dyeing there hamburger meat green! Oh wait....

   Nothing stops a yawn faster than a dog trying to lick inside your mouth

   Coffee: Creative fuel!!

   Lock Chris Brown up till he's pregnant!!

   A lost and found but for airplanes.

   Los Angeles area McDonald's spared no expense promoting Shamrock Shakes yesterday.

   I never delete messages just incase someone try to play me and say I'm ugly. You wasn't saying that March 12,2010 at 4:35pm.hahahahahaa

   I just thought of something. The expression, "That's so 15 minutes ago" is so 15 minutes ago.

   you don’t get to say “long story short” 30 minutes into your stupid story about men, Janet.

   Fellas; There's no heterosexual way of taking a selfie.

   Letting people know they're idiots is my religion.

   I'm back on my feet again!! Wait, false alarm the remote is right here.

   Being 'clean and sober' means I've showered and I'm headed to the liquor store.

   Really Thailand???? Nobody asked??

   What if the Malaysian Plane is in the same place with the G-Spot?

   They let an Asian drive the plane?

   I want to be loved like white guys love khaki shorts.