Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Researchers in Hawaii recently put webcams on the fins of sharks so they could get a firsthand view of what the sharks see. The first thing they saw: a shark eating the guy who strapped a webcam on its fin.

   RadioShack has announced plans to close 1,000 stores throughout the U.S. RadioShack customers were very upset when they got the news on their pagers.

   I don't know what Ash Wednesday is, but you've got some sh*t ok your forehead

   You know you're country, when the smell of a dairy reminds you of Oreos.

   I'm giving up procrastination for Lent starting tomorrow.

   Russian and Ukrainian troops in Crimea are involved in a tense stand-off. The latest reports are that France has already surrendered....

   Honestly,, I don't think I can stomach stomach stomach stomach any more cow jokes

   How to fall down stairs,,,, Step 1... Step 4... Steps 5,6,7,8,9...

   "Old Macdonald had a farm,,, Had."............ * Bank of America

   BTW,,,, Pinocchio's family tree is just a maple

   Turtles should be taught to use skate boards when crossing the road. . .

   A weekend getaway is a nice way for couples to argue with different scenery.

   The way you're bashing your laptop keyboard is the way your life is going.

   The way you're bashing your laptop keyboard is how your life is going.

   I've had an awesome life and I still haven't needed to use algebra. Who was the a-hole who made up a useless subject like this to be tested in on is school, did I mention they were an a-hole. . .

   Considering the hours I keep. I am awake while you sleep. Incase of a national disaster leave me your numbers and I will call you to wake you up so you can evacuate. . .

   I wonder what the application process is like to get on the Instagram Council?

   Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

   When you tell a lie, think of it as peeing in the pool. Let it out slow. Don’t let facial expressions give you away.

   Man, kids really do ask some tough questions. One just came up to me and said “what’s Nicolas Cage’s worst film?” I mean how do you even answer that?