Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Just remember this holiday season, if you say "May you kiss may ass" really fast... it will sound just like "Merry Christmas"!!!

   Last time I checked, Chick-fil-A is still sellin chicken and I'm sure Phil Robertson will keep spreadin gods good word and shooting ducks.

   A&E has just announced the replacement show for Duck Dynasty the new show will be Dyke Dynasty.

   I don't always cut down a fresh Christmas tree..but when I do, I pick the best one in my neighbors yard.

   Santa is a Republican 1. He sits on his butt all year long. 2. He has other people do all the hard work. 3. He then takes credit for giving away all the free stuff they made.

   I fall easier naked! Why can't the flight attendant understand that?

   Phil Robertson should totally hook up with Paula Deen. 2 Evils come together

   R.I.P to my normal sleeping pattern during this festive season.

   Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone's front porch.

   Santa Clause said to support gays. Now what am I gonna do? My two favorite omni-present imaginary dieties are contradicting eachother!

   A guy that's inbred and makes a living helping people trick ducks into landing for sex, is going to tell his opinion about wrong sex... Shove that down your throats!

   There iis both a freedom of speech and freedom of silence......a wise person knows when to use both.

   "If Jesus had a gun, he would be alive today" - Homer Simpson

   I can't believe that it's almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.

   How can the largest group seeking tolerance be the most intolerant.............?

   I always know what my childhood friends are doing these days, thanks to the user-friendly county mugshot database.

   Pffft. The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas as if he wasn't going to see me 14 more times before then...

   The motto for the day is....Stupid people should not be allowed to reproduce!!!!!

   If Jesus is the reason for the season.......why is the church parking lot empty and Wal Marts is full?

   There are two things that prove the American school system has failed: 1) A need for SpellCheck/AutoCorrect. 2) Cash registers that tell the user how much change to make out of a dollar.