Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Before Obama compares himself to Nelson Mandela, shouldn't he first go to jail for 27 years?

   What this generation of young men need to realize is that the word "Man" is in Manners....

   I wish I could slim down my waistline during the Holidays like my wife slims down my wallet.

   Before Kanye west says he is going to be a bigger hero than Nelson Mandela by the time he reaches 95, shouldn't he spend 27 years in jail first?

   Kanye West is losing it and even black folks are turning against his self-aggrandizing ass.

   A fox can only sound like that if you kick it in the balls. . .

   What I am asking Santa for this year is his list of naughty women over 30. . .

   This is normally when Tony Romo is visited by 3 ghosts. The ghost of December Failures past, present and future.

   If TuPac and Biggie were still alive Kanye would be folding T-shirts at the Gap right now.

   you ever had a job where you would just sit on the toilet just to kill time?

   One Direction vs Justin Bieber - Who's Selling More Perfume?

   Today is one of those days where I wonder where it all went wrong. Then I realize it's never been right.

   Kanye West is busy editing Nelson Mandela's Wikipedia page so it features his picture.

   It’s the anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor. Expecting any minute that Whitehouse will mark the event by tweeting a pic of Obama on vacation in Hawaii.

   Amazon is now offering Special Christmas Drone Deliveries to Pakistan!

   I'm pretty sure today is one of my family members birthday..... I should probably "unblock" them and check.

   Ask your doctor if it’s the right OCD medication for you... Then ask him 3 more times, knock on the wall twice and ensure the door is locked.

   Happy Hoildays Schmolidays. Merry Christmas Schmistmas. I lean towards the Christmas greeting, but I gotta be honest with myself. I don't care. I'm mainly in it for the food.

   Chris Matthews wants to know if getting your head removed from Obama's a ss is covered under Obamacare

   "You see those footprints? It looks like our killer had feet." - If you want to know why I was fired as a writer on CSI.