Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm old enough to remember when the lamest thing in the world was to take pictures of yourself, like you had no friends

   Do unto others before they can do unto you.

   Caroline Kennedy has been appointed as the new U.S. Ambassador to Japan. You'd think after all these years we'd stop trying to avenge Pearl Harbor.

   There is a difference from being catwoman and catlady...

   I bet the tickle fights in jail are legendary.

   Long story short: Roses and violets are their appropriate colours,,,, thus I find you attractive.

   Bye, bye, Miss Canadian Pie,,,Drove my Ski-Doo, To the igloo.................................................. *This idea was stupid,, Sorry*

   America is shocked & disgusted when Bill Clinton admits he had sexual relations with Hilary.

   When you get married, wouldn't it make more sense for the groom's mother to walk the bride down the aisle? That way you would have the woman that brought you into this world and the woman that will take you out of it.

   Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it's the stupid ones who need it?

   George Zimmerman needs to meet Dexter

   If it wasn't for sex, I would have quit being a grown-up a long time ago.

   God's son died single, but he'll help you find your match on Christian Mingle.

   Zimmerman and OJ Simpson should fight to death. Gun vs Knife.

   Research has shown that 20% of your Facebok friends hate your guts and would like to see you die a horrible death.

   People are quick to blame the devil for everything that goes bad in their lives. Even people who fail an exam they did not adequately prepare for will blame it all on the devil.

   They should put O.J. and Zimmerman in the same cell and let them fight over the last "Little Debbie"

   Facebook is like Michael Jackson’s nose, whenever they do something to it, it gets worse.

   HD porn, because I like to read the serial number on your breast implants.

   Who's in charge of the Facebook awards this year? I have a few names to submit for the "most likely to commit bestiality" category.