Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The "necessity" that is Planned Parenthood, in all actuality, stemmed from Unplanned Parenting In The Hood.

   am I the only one worried about the the fact that the amount of people that are taking craps in water. THIS CAN'T BE HEALTHY PEOPLE!!!!!!!

   wake up in the morning.... my mind: nope. my body: nope. my d!<K: let's rock!

   Day #7: I am thankful that we can still engineer the electricals.

   The irony that some of the ugliest people in the world come in the prettiest packaging

   Relationship status: ironing shirt with George Foreman grill.

   If I ignored you any harder, we'd be married.

   Some people think Obama's doing a good job, some think he's doing a bad job. I think about sex usually.

   Give me hockey over basketball any day. Only one time out per team per game. The play keeps moving unlike basketball where the refs blow the whistle if a player breathes on another the wrong way.

   it normal that one of my balls is bigger then the other two?

   This post will be seen by tens of people, and liked literally ones of times.

   Amazon: If you spend $17 more dollars, we'll knock off the $3 shipping fee.. Me: You've got yourself a deal, Amazon.... Every- Single- Time.

   that a thesaurus in your pocket?,, Or are you just ebullient to see me?

   Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.... *If I ever forget my passport, this post doubles as proof of U.S. citizenship.*

   So your saying there is no crying in Flirting? That sure explains a lot!

   Reece's Peanut Butter C Cups. Someone get to work on this. Now.

   For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I'm on a 'secure line'

   Pretty sure my dog would make a horrible astronaut because space is a vacuum and those tend to scare her

   Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. Hug your casual acquaintances. Fist bump a frenemy.

   Each cigarette you smoke takes six minutes off your life. A friend of mine was such a heavy smoker he actually went back in time.