Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   There are three reasons which you are inflicting pain on others and destroying all good or bad morals: 1-you're a psychologically twisted serial killer who's not get caught yet, 2- poor , or 3- a fool who quickly mimics people's ideas without thinking.

   Welcome to taco bell may I take your order? "... I'd like 2 tancos, a enchilanto, a brampino, a grondalito, and a small spripe,,, thanks"

   [white house staff meeting] Obama: Any questions?.. *Biden raises hand* Obama: Spongebob is yellow Joe... *Biden returns to coloring book*

   BREAKING NEWS: Scientists sneak up on Periodic Table, add element of Surprise"

   Happy Halloween... may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong! ;-)

   Only part of me happy about a global wine shortage is my liver.

   The one where Scooby doo dies in the van because Fred forgot to crack a window.

   Happy Halloween! Bring on the booze!!

   I'm hungry,, but the only thing in my fridge is Zuul.

   I never wear a Halloween costume. I'm a character all year long!

   Tomorrow I'm going to the homeless shelter and getting me some 2013 St Louis Cardinals World Series Champions shirts for free..

   Allen Iverson has retired more times than he practiced

   Getting high on life has never helped me get a handjob in a toilet stall.

   I never know how many Ramen Noodle seasoning packets to save throughout the year for Halloween treats, but I think I have enough.

   Time to party like it's 1918.

   Let the Red Sox annoyance begin.....ugh!

   Halloween really is the perfect time to get rid of all those Chinese food condiment packets.

   I did very much enjoy the week long 'Almost Human" promotional movie. I loved the commercials that had the baseball too.

   Promiscuous wizards often get staff infections. bippity, boppity, BOOOOO! HAPPY HALLOWEEN

   At my age I only have two goals: to keep working a real job and to keep flossing real teeth.