Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Technically speaking, a Twinkie is a sandwich, right??

   I'm available if you wanna dance with somebody or wanna feel the heat with somebody... just sayin.

   Once was a man named BARACK, EVERYTHING he said was a CROCK, He talked with a SMILE as he LIED all the while...."OBAMACARE'S Great! Ask your DOC"

   My dream car is a food truck.

   You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east...

   Today Facebook was down, so I had to actually talk to my people that didn't live in my computer... I haven't done that in a few years, hope I don't get sick!

   I tried Obama's 1-800 number...... It's is a disaster too. Your best bet is to stuff an ObamaCare application into a bottle and throw it in the ocean.

   The Director of Obamacare just asked for FEMA assistance...

   The difference between Republican and Democrat is the difference between Gonorrhea and syphilis ..ENJOY !!!

   Oh yeah, well this girl I know had her baby shower in the rec room in the projects. I wish it was a joke to, but it is not... lol

   Some of you people are great.... Others should be towed a safe distance and blown up as precaution.

   My real superpower is guessing the weight of your emotional baggage.... HINT: It's more than you think

   Eat a banana lengthwise if you don't want anyone to sit by you.

   How to make hard taco: 1. Buy soft taco from taco bell...2. Crush up Cialis ... 3. Sit in bath tub on dock over looking lake.. 4.wait for the right moment

   Lets just put nicotine in coffee and be done with it.

   Man, I don't drop character 'till I done the DVD commentary.

   The Gladys Have Been Rebranded As The "VAGIANTS" Next Year They Will Be starting their first year in THE LINGERIE FOOTBALL LEAGUE

   Report out of Nashville: Dolly Parton in traffic accident. Her dual "airbags" obviously saved her life. 😊

   10 out of 2 people are dyslexic.

   If each day is a gift, I'd like to know where I can return Monday.