Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The problem with friends with benefits is that the out-of-pocket costs are too high.

   I learned in Science class that Protons have mass. Wow. I didn't even know they were Catholic.

   I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon. I think I'm going to be pretty good at it!

   if the answer was "windows 95", how stupid was the question?

   Are we sure that Wentworth Miller really wanted to do a "Prison Break"?

   Glow in the dark condoms.. Now you see it, now you don't! Now you see it, now you don't! Now you see it, now you don't! ...

   My dad used to beat me with a camera. I still get flash backs

   I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker... This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...

   Porter Ridge. For those times when Turtle Man just isn't back-woods enough...

   no wonder it took Wentworth Miller 5 yeats to perfect a perfect Prison Break...

   You show me Karl Marx's grave and I'll show you a Communist plot that worked.

   When you live in Syria and the only way out is going to Iraq...you are in great sh**

   I would worship God, even if there's no Heaven.

   I wonder if clouds look down on us and say "Hey look! That one looks like an idiot."

   Yep, you would worship anything because you are dumb.

   Some females have more drama than a van full of drag queens on their way to a wig sale.

   Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that are excited for the car ride until we realized where we're going.

   When people tell me "You're gonna regret that in the morning" I sleep in til noon, because I'm a problem Solver

   It's really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...

   Convicted Amy private Bradley Manning wants to live the rest of his life as a woman. At 5'2" and sporting that purdy little mouth, I doubt he's going to have a hard time being a woman while he's behind bars.