Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if you wake up to more animals than humans, I think I know why you're single...

   Seriously Rolling Stone magazine? Was George Zimmerman unavailable for the cover?

   A Women's work is never done because she's too busy telling a Man how to do his work.

   You might have a million dollar body, but you got a food stamp face!

   Damn, it's so hot out. the tounges of my sneakers are hanging out.

   all the kids wearing hoodies instead of costumes this Halloween are getting skittles, it's what trayvon would have wanted

   When you wake up at 3am for no reason, there is an 80% chance that someone is staring at you...

   The Lannisters send their regards.

   I bet all the living descendants of the Lanisters have great credit!

   In this worldline, the lanisters are all dead. The current state of the economy proves it, no one is paying their debts.

   do jaffa cakes count as 1 of your 5 a day?

   Most atheists aren't angry about the various religions. They're angry about the dangerous people who misinterpret these religions.

   I've decided to quit drinking! Instead I'm peeling the labels off my beer sticking them to my forehead and telling everyone I'm on the patch

   Our society views heroine and alcohol overdose as a tragic accident, I call that suicide accomplished...

   If a girl from Iceland. .an a guy from cuba have a baby ...is it an ice-cube.... lol.. ;)

   I'm glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."

   Remember when the only hatred that existed here was directed at Nickelback? Good times.

   Getting some always leads to wanting more.

   I just saw a guy with a hook hand and a ponytail. Dude, you cut off the wrong thing.

   A certain "je ne sais quoi" is a terrible thing to have in a French hospital.