Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   JAB: Going to listen to the Rocky theme and work out, well maybe just listen to the theme for some inspiration and think about when I use to work out. . .

   If you only see one movie this summer, I suggest seeing more. Movies are great.

   Sometimes I like to go to Applebee's,,, and give them money not to bring me any food.

   My Daughter asked if I wanted to have a tea party, so I yelled at her & her dolls for 2 hours about how I don't want to pay taxes anymore.

   I plan my entire day around the possibility of a nap.

   Just ate a bag of Aquitals. I mean Skittles!!

   70% of Americans are on prescription drugs. If you find that number depressing, talk tou your doctor about Cymbalta.

   I forgot who treyvon martin is already, please dont ruin my KFC's and Popeyes.

   The day is too short for all the mistakes I have to make.

   If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?

   Your opinion does not require anyone else's to be valid...

   There are two kinds of people in this world, and I don't like them.

   This heat makes people do crazy things... Like talk to me.

   Stop screaming, lady. All I said was 'this is how pornos start'. It's just elevator talk.

   Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I'd prefer something else.

   Name your iPod 'Titanic', plug it into the computer, "Titanic is syncing", press cancel, feel like a hero.

   Buying a smart car seems like a good idea until you hit a squirrel and flip over a few times.

   was everyone this worked up when OJ was found innocent

   I was half way to work when I realized I forgot my phone charger. I had to do what most people would have done... turn back around and go get it.

   For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck, the least they could do is send me a picture of the ghetto family I'm supporting!