Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I just bought Monopoly, 2011 special edition. It's really not fun to play. The banker always wins.

   i guess its getting time to do my christmas shopping,i will go to the dollar store for my big gifts and from there I will come back home and see if I can find somethings around the house that they havn't seen in awhile.

   You know you back in Miami, when You pull up to a light and a Bum throws a quarter at you.

   Santa is that a toy in your bag or are you just happy to se me..

   I am sad to report, that counting down very quickly does NOT speed up the microwave.

   I went to google and type in "let it snow" and snow started falling. So I typed "let it rain" and the strippers started falling to the floor.

   Theres no manly way to say.. "Honey can you pass me my Girl Scout Cookies?"

   You know why cowboys wear big buckles? It's a tombstone for a dead prick !

   All of the food in my fridge is on my to-poo list.

   It's so annoying when I'm about to take a great photo and somebody calls my camera.

   How was it possible that the three bears had porridge all at different temperatures? Someone is lying.

   I dropped my laptop in the ocean,, now a dell is rolling in the deep.

   Decided this year I'm replacing the milk and cookies tradition with manly reach around. Just to see if that would get SANTA'S attention.

   Never apologize for expressing how you feel, Its like saying you're sorry for being real

   Night night Kim Jong Il you little Chinky B*stard

   Kim "Chinky Chang Small Wang Jong" is dead :D

   Team America World Police is officially a period piece.

   Relax guys, I'm pretty sure Kim Jong died a long time ago when he jumped off the Empire State Building.

   ✔ Saddam Hussein ✔ Osama Bin Ladden ✔ Moammar Gadhafi ✔Kim Jong IL ❒ Fidel Castro ❒ Hugo Chavez ❒ Justin Beiber

   I used to like Kim Kardashian...until she became a publicity squealin boar. Now I just think she's had her 15 minutes and really needs to stop selling photos and stupid stories to magazines. You lost me at "I'm so annoyed...!!!"