Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   "K"= Conversation Over!!!

   Respect my inbox. Keep your drama out of my inbox.

   Sometimes I think I was put on this earth as god's way to punish some people.

   Come on now, this is not a politics platform. This used to be a fun place dammit.

   Herman Cain's "motorcade" down to a rental car and a fat kid on a trike

   I saw a guy fall off his bike this morning. He looked around to see if anyone saw his fall. I made sure to make direct eye contact.

   If life's a b!tch... Why do I have to make my own sandwhich?

   At least Herman Cain knows when to pull out......

   Have you ever looked at someone and just known that the wheel was turning but the hamster was dead?

   Due to the coal shortage Santa will be giving Nickelback CD's to all the bad kids this year!

   Who wears the pants in the relationship? No one when it all goes well ;)

   You know ladies, us guys may not know what its like to have "that time of the month" but we sure have front row seats to it.

   Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.

   ‎"I got 99 chores and I ain't did one." - Lay Z

   You can look at some people and instantly know they're only going to get two awards in life, a birth and a death certificate.

   some Females get all dressed up for school but fail all their classes.

   Your car & phone may be smart, doesn't mean you are.

   Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is your List of Naughty Girls!

   If I ever become rich and famous, I won't forget my friends. They will be a fond and nostalgic memory.

   I can't stand people who drink and wanna be all extra chatty or whiny just drink, get drunk, stfu and be happy.