Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. We're not sure if Lady Gaga has one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but never uses it. What is it? A last name.

   I'm not single, I'm in a long distance relationship with this girl who lives in my future.

   You managed to live through 01/01/01, 02/02/02, 03/03/03, 04/04/04, 05/05/05, 06/06/06, 07/07/07, 08/08/08, 09/09/09, 10/10/10 and now 11/11/11. Give yourself a pat on the back.

   Don't let your affection give you an infection, put some protection on that erection

   If Winnie the Pooh and his gang were a group of gangstas I think it would be safe to say that at one time or another Tigger would say something stupid and Pooh would respond with, "Tigga' Please!"

   It's frustrating when you know exactly what something means but not how to explain it

   Dear Target: please fire your ad agency. That crazy blonde lady in red is annoying and will probably bring your sales way down. Call an audible and hire Walmart's

   R.I.P To everyone who didn't make it to this Thanksgiving, I hope their families will be strong & have fun for them.

   If you didn't want to sit at the kids' table then you shouldn't have seen the new Twilight movie.

   Turkeys don't think Thanksgiving is very funny.

   The turkey that President Obama will pardon this Thanksgiving is from California. The turkey said, “I don't need a pardon. I need a job.

   we stuff the turkey but in the end the turkey stuffs us

   I wish I hadn't watch the "Deadly Women" marathon on the I.D. channel before Thankgiving dinner....The meal is a little harder to enjoy when your inspecting the turkey for aresenic!

   Be thankful for everything you have. There is always somebody out there that is less fortunate then you. Hope everyone have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

   Thanksgiving's the sexy holiday, right? No? Am I allowed to make it sexy?

   watching the charlie brown special...i think peppermint patty & marci are thankful for each other

   While your looking for deals this black Friday....I'll be at your house finding a better deal

   I saw a sign that said "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn't.

   If you were to combine all the holidays, you'd eat turkey, give presents, hide eggs, light fireworks, and dress like a sIutty nurse all in the same day.

   Black Friday...the day when normal people turn into zombies armed with shopping carts.