Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Women don't trust Men, not because they cheat but because they know how scandalous and shady other Women are!

   Damn girl..you look like you know how to have a good time...at a buffet.

   Shout out to all the fat people that are hungry for success.

   Broke chicks always know exactly what kind of Men they want BUT never know what kind of Man DON'T want their destitute a$$!

   S W A G – [S]omething [W]e [A]$$holes [G]ot.

   You know you are a complete loser when you are doing hard time for shoplifting in the dollar store.

   A Real Boyfriend will make sure he wears protection when Cheating.

   When I am sad, I think of you- I then realize that my life is still better then yours.

   The Pill, the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to avoid pregnancy

   Everyone wants to be Black but no one wants Black problems.

   Another way for a guy to confess his virginity to a woman is to tell her he follows Justin Bieber on Twitter.

   Hey....Admit it, everyone has a little bit of racism in them. When you do laundry, I bet you all separate the colored from the whites......

   HEADLINE: "American stranded in Ukraine in online dating scam" - I am just glad I have never needed a date this bad.

   Rotisserie Chicken..a morbid Ferris-wheel for chicken...spinning chicken carcasses make my mouth water...That's right… I LIKE MY CHICKEN DIZZY!!!

   I heard you are a PLAYA. Nice to meet you, I am the COACH.

   Watching your ex down grade, Oh what a lovely feeling.

   Why do people give each other flowers? To celebrate various important occasions, they're killing living creatures? Why restrict it to plants? “Sweetheart, let's make up. Have this deceased squirrel.”

   How did the American Cross the Road? A Cop dragged her there by the hair

   So I hear Sandusky's Santa application has been rejected...

   One time I was in a car giving directions to a gay driver. Things got awkward when I told him to go straight.