Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 2102 of 6453

Evidently, one of the women Herman Cain allegedly sexually harassed was German. When asked to comment, the victim said "Nein! Nein! Nein!"
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11-04-2011 13:42
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Side Chick Text - why is my name stored under pizza hut in yo phone?
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11-04-2011 13:56
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Some people and their damn event invites, they're like the Jehovah Witnesses of Facebook!
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11-04-2011 14:10
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do women shake the gas pump after filling up? or is that just a man thing?
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11-04-2011 14:13
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I hate it when you're trying to watch proactive commercials but MTV shows keep interrupting.
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11-04-2011 15:01 by g0re
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Come on proactiv, don't lie, its not a limited time offer, you've ALWAYS been $19.99.
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11-04-2011 15:03 by g0re
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It would be amazing if all restaurants had to end their URLs with ".nom"
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11-04-2011 15:05 by g0re
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WHERE YOUR PEN GOES WHEN YOU DROP IT 3% right where you dropped it 5% 10 feet away from you 92% into another dimension never to be seen again.

I like how you do your makeup. Do you use a brush or just dip your face in?
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11-04-2011 15:11
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I think my girlfriend misunderstood me when I asked if we could go to "the outback" tonight!

when I'm at the supermarket I like to look at my cashier straight in the eyes and tell her I see you checking me out girl!!!!

If you insist on acting like an idiot then I must insist on treating you like one.

You know the feeling when someone starts talking to you about all the things you went through together , And you can not remember they name . The wifes just gone fxxcking apesh!t
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11-04-2011 16:23
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I don't exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, i'd drink it.
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11-04-2011 16:49
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oh no! Just got an Android phone..And I dont know how to copy an paste! All my friends must think I'm dead!
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11-04-2011 16:59 by Seanathon
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Once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive. "Look at this b!tch, eating those crackers like she owns the place!"
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11-04-2011 17:12 by g0re
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tired from going clubbing last night......those baby seals are faster than I thought
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11-04-2011 17:16 by Link
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Sluts are like Gary; they only like you for the cookie in your pants.
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11-04-2011 17:17 by g0re
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McDonalds and Roaches will be here forever
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11-04-2011 17:30
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It's kind of disappointing when you're reading someone's bio on any site and are somewhat interested, but then you reach the end and it says you don't like me, then PISS OFF!!!" Well, that was rude
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11-04-2011 17:40 by g0re
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