Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I didn't text you to exercise my fingers, I want a damn reply.

   You're cute…That's until your 30-day photoshop trial expires.

   There's a “send” button; there's a “resend button; WHY ISN'T THERE AN UNSEND BUTTON?

   Why do people add "just sayin" we know you said it because we can read.

   Dont you hate when you open a bag of chips and its only 30% full? Thats how guys feel about push up bras.

   Hello, this is OnStar Mr Gadaffi. We noticed that your car is not moving, is everything OK? ..... Hello,...Hello?

   Yes, m@sturbation is a pleasant, yet quick diversion. Scratching one's own b@lls however, can provide hours and hours of limitless entertainment. At least that's what my dad says.

   Can we pretend that shooting stars in the night sky are like airplanes? I could really use some frequent-flyer miles right now...

   Arm amputees: "Stumped" for cash? Earn a lucritive second income by taking impressive fisting photos.

   That feel good feeling when someone walks into your life and you know there going to make an impact on your life :)

   You can't dance with the devil and expect to go home with Jesus

   Am I the only one that thinks Oscar The Grouch looks like a big pile of weed?

   I hear teaching Geography is where it is at these days!

   A booty call for Star Trek nerd is a Ferengi with Benefits.

   Thank God for Pancakes and Tang.... They taste the same from when it goes down till you throw it back up!

   Correct me if I am wrong but if your white, is it no longer cool to get beads braided into your pubic hair?

   I'm not a Hater. I'm a Cultural Critic. Its a difference.

   Dear stalker, seriously dude...I have a whole box of KOTEX in my drawer...I have TAMPONS & PADS WITH WINGS. Pick ur poison!

   Ladies need to learn how to moan during sex, some of you women be sounding like wrestlers

   there are two ways to destroy a friendship between two girls. a boy and a rumour.