Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   BBC NEWS: Police are moving in at Dale Farm...& there's me thinking they were trying to CLEAR the site!! ;)

   I hate when you click a thumbnail to view a larger picture but the picture ends up being the same size as the thumbnail.

   Soulja Boy arrested.Strangly enough it wasnt by da fashion cops.

   Boobs are like the sun, you can only take quick glances, but wear sunglasses and you can look until the world ends.

   Loves falling asleep to Adult Swim , I end up having funny dreams.

   The Obamas are on vacation. Someone send a cop car by the White House to make sure Biden wasn't left home alone.

   :B (Guy with buck teeth).

   :E (Guy who doesn't know how to twirl spaghetti).

   :V (Guy who talks out of one side of his mouth).

   When I die, I want my tombstone to have free WiFi, that way people visit more often

   I broke up with my Gym, we were not working out

   Didn't Get Humped Today...Calling Bullsh!t, On Hump Day.

   I invented a new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!

   not sure which pants to wear today... smarty or fancy.

   My ex offered me a ride to the appointment, I declined and politely told her that I didn't think we would both fit on her broom...

   Destroying all of this evidence would go a lot faster if I could shoot lasers from my eyes!

   The word "epic" has lost the right to exist.

   I have found that the best earmuffs are the inside of a women's thighs.

   Listening to a Spanish female duet in a Greek restaurant. It's confusing to me and all these Koreans.

   #LADIES!, Wanna know if your man cheating ? Snatch his phone run in the bathroom if he try to kick the door down "You aren't the only one"