Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   prays for the day when all resturants have scatch and sniffs ...to get a good whiff of the meal before you order it lol

   I personally do not like to drive in the rain but the kid in me LOVES(♥'s) to drive over the rain puddles =]

   Well, seems the dude that created Doritos died, Art West was 97 years old, apparently he died of nacho-ral causes....

   What's wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!

   I'm not going to apologize for it, cause the truth is I'd do it again.

   ttention idiots: as you continue to read something clearly addressed to idiots. Idiot.

   The voices in my head thought it was funny... so what's your problem? Oh wait... you might be missing the best part... A sense of humor!!

   I am currently taking donations to help keep Facebook free. Your donation will go to my legal team which will do everything in their power to ensure we don't way pay anything in the future. I am also looking at getting one of those TVs with the internet h

   so we took a poll. and just as I suspected, nobody likes you

   so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn't think it would go THIS far..... sorry

   I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days

   What are the benefits of these gold membership services for facebook? Will I have people digging for gold on my virtual farm?

   When I drop my phone, I act like I've dropped a new born baby.

   Rumors are the sauce of a dry life.

   My girlfriend and I have an open relationship and will continue to do so right up until she finds out.

   Everyone does about ten sit ups every morning. It might not sound like much, but there are only so many times you can hit the snooze button.

   LIKE if you text someone a paragraph and then 30 minutes later you get a damn lame reply saying "LOL".

   and asks the bartender, "how much for a drink?" A neutrino walks into a bar

   oh look at the time, it's time to not care

   Google: I have everything! Facebook: I know everybody! Internet: Without me you are nothing! Electricity: Keep talking!