Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You know college has changed you when you see your 6 year old niece drinking out of a red plastic cup, and you scream, "Don't drink that... juice." Oh.

   Im gonna hang out with everyone who likes this status today

   Hey east coast, California speaking. Hope you enjoyed our earthquakes:)

   living the Champagne lifestyle with Bud Light pockets

   When the sex is good, the neighbours get no rest.

   Would like to give a big shout out to the people that are hard of hearing

   When you stretch and your inner porn star moan comes out by accident.

   Will and Jada splitting, 5.8 earthquake in DC, and now Hurricane Irene as a possible Cat 4 landfall this weekend??? Lord have mercy............

   Quote of the week "Tactically, it's all going as planned.." Qaddafi

   Those who say laughter is the best medicine obviously never heard a great joke while suffering with diarrhoea.

   If you can't stay faithful, dont be in a relationship.. simple!

   It takes more muscles to frown than it does to just completely ignore people.

   Being loved unconditionally is not a free pass to mess up.

   if you have an iphone, it means you like being told what to like.

   The epicenter of the quake has been pin-pointed to a graveyard outside of DC, where all of our Founding Fathers had rolled over in their graves.

   on this day in 2010, thanks facebook for reminding me of my breakup last year

   It's time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.

   He doesn't want to believe that someone as horrible as Gaddafi could have a comeback, but hell, the Smurfs did it. 

   AKK AKK AKK! Spinachk is me favorik fruitk. (I love Popeye.)

   Seismologists have confirmed the cause of the quake in DC today was the Founding Fathers rolling over in their graves!