Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if I had a dollar for everytime I wished I had a dollar....

   You know why lesbians are so fat...because there always eating out..!!!

   PMS is just women ovary acting.

   "Lets watch a scary movie!" *several hours later* "Dude, walk with me to the bathroom"

   Vampires will only truly love girls four days out of the month, period.

   Why is it when someone is under water on TV, I hold my breath also?

   I wonder what that commercial with the corndog slapping the guy in the face would be like with the "Benny Hill" theme song played over it?.........

   Rum, Dr. Pepper, and the Curse of the Black Pearl. The end to a great weekend!

   Remember give everything a chance.. That way later in life you can look back and say you give it a shot..

   what ever happened to blues clues? did that dog die

   when you run like a ninja to your charger when your phone is low battery

   The next time somebody texts me with "k", I'm going to tell them that they smell like a hippo. And when they respond with "WTF??" I'm going to respond with just "k"

   I wasn't that drunk. " Dude, you were standing on your head screaming at people to quit walking on your ceiling.

   Where's Waldo? (Er....Gadhafi..)

   Every time someone says "Stop" I'm always in two minds, should I respond with "Collaborate and listen/Ice is back with my brand new invention" or "Hammer Time!"...?

   I am a member of NSS( National Sarcastic Society).Our motto:"Like we Need your approval"

   Thanks you NATO, USA, UK and everyone else who helped us in our fight to oust the Gadhafi the dictator. - LIBYAN PEOPLE

   Twinkle - Twinkle little slut, name one person you havent f*cked!

   Never beg a person for something that someone else is willing to give you.

   I hate it when people who are holding a device capable of using Google ask me stupid questions.