Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Dinosaurs aren't extinct, they're just hiding.

   Does Cheese say 'People!' when taking a picture?

   Don't feel bad, alot of people don't have talent either

   Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she will take it anyway.

   Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

   Wal-mart... "do they, like, make walls there?" -Paris Hilton

   People say you can't live without love... I think oxygen is more important

   Shut up voices!! Or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again!!

   omg I just found out I'm allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!

   Hulu is coming to PS3. Finally I can watch TV on my TV.

   On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?

   IMAGINE if Facebook, Twitter, and msn all broke at the same time. We might have to actually get lives

   I dont think I'll ever be able to eat bugles with out first putting them on my fingers and roaring first

   Most men discover that they've crossed the line from flirty to creepy five years too late.

   Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don't stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."

   "GET YOUR ASS IN LINE"...~House Speaker John BOEhner's statement to fellow Republicans....I suspect a flurry of worker's comp claims.

   ____ is thankful that I don't have a "swear jar" today. That son-of-a-b!tch would be filled right to the top.

   Smurfs-v-Snorks on the Deadliest Warrior......make it happen.

   Tried to leave a voicemail for my mom but she picked up. I was forced to drop my phone into my gf's purse and shake it around for 10 minutes.

   I'm going to sign my gf up for Hoarders, she must have been saving her emotional and mental bullsh!t until we got together