Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Alcohol is very very bad for you. It makes you admit stuff you wouldn't normally admit while sober. Trust me.

   Why can you buy movies at Walmart with nude scenes in them and can't by a CD with cussin??

   Shout out to everyone who ever gave GOD I mean Bishop Eddie Long Stroke money. Your money got put to good use today. I'm sure GOD is proud. Shout out to the Building Fund also. That private bedroom he has in his office must be nice.

   I love when bicthes make status about how much the hate b**ches

   Leaving Facebook for Twitter is like leaving the bar to go home.

   Hey single ladies, you want a boyfriend? Easy! Learn to shut up and dramatically lower your standards!

   I'd like Facebook to suggest: Since you've just de-friended that loser, how about you get rid of some more  deadweight, like ……

   Instructions on how to keep an idiot busy: Read instructions again.

   That fire we once had is now embers

   I always have this feeling that the SWAT team is waiting to bust through my door

   im not rich so I'll put a midget in my back pocket so my wallet looks bigger

   Nice BBQ. The bulls got cooked by extreme heat. Anyone want steak?

   Get your tongue out of my mouth !...I'm trying to kiss you good-bye !

   After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.

   been so busy lately that even Facebook feels neglected

   digesting the fact you've moved onto better things.. LOL JKS you're new boyfriend looks like a retard.

   Forget about differences, let's talk about our similaritites. You ever wake up in the middle of the night, and you don't know what freakin' day it is?

   If at first you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie!

   gonna make a FB account with the name "benefits".That way when a few ppl add me, it'll say: you and 5 other ppl r now friends with benefit

   The way to a girls heart, is through your wallet.