Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   umm.. yeah, its may 21st in china already.. why hasnt the apocalypse started yet?

   It's already making plans for Sunday...just in case I survive!

   I have a friend of mine looking for 20 blow up dolls and a bottle of helium.....Release the Rapture!!!

   You said you would go out with me only if it were our last day on earth... my pickup line tonight

   For those of you who won't be joining us in Heaven tomorrow but going to the other place below, Pauly Shore will be the guest on The View.

   For the people who believe in this Rapture nonsense. Here's some information that will shock your gullible mind. In new Zealand it is now: Saturday May 21 and the current time is 7:42 AM ...havent heard anything from them yet.

   Does this status update make me look fat?

   I'm really going to crap my pants today if there is an apocalypse. Of course, I might just crap them anyhow, regardless what happens.

   HOW TO CONTROL PEOPLE: Repeatedly lie to people about a "life-ending event" in the basis of religion enough times to where they slighty believe you and have them talk about it all over the world.

   What if the end of the world just means the end of Facebook. It's the world to so many people...

   Apparently this end of the world rapture thing is today, unfortunately I regret to inform you the 1124 fast track train to 'HELL' is delayed due to an earlier signal fault and over running engineering works, Oh well

   BBC News: "Britons are the worst binge drinkers in Europe." - I'm sorry but I think you'll find we're actually the best.

   Funny that when you hear a man's name, you can instantly work out his nationality: Paolo - Italian Pierre - French Diego - Argentinian Sven - Swedish Klaus - German. Mohammed - British

   What's that white stuff Black babies rely on to live? - Taxpayers.

   Horse walks into a pub: Bartender: "Why the long face?" Horse: "They wouldn't let me on the f-kin train."

   and with the first pick of the 2011 Rapture Draft... God selects Randy "Macho Man" Savage

   feel kinda funny. whats that bright light? Oh Wait, I'm being Raptured! Sweet! Good Buy Everyone!!!!! I'll tell Elvis Hi For You.

   I prepared my self for this rapture by playing zombies on black ops and my wife said it was a waste of time I guess the jokes on her !

   " I love you" should never be used in the form of a question.

   Just got a free bowl of soup with this awesome hat I just bought!