Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Actions speak louder than words, but talk is cheap and you have to consider that in this economy.

   The recent tsunami is not divine biblical retribution or proof that the world is ending on 12/21/12. Overblown media coverage has turned this natural tragedy into a circus. What's needed now is support, solidarity and common sense

   The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.

   Wives & girlfriends are temporary but ex-wives & ex-girlfriends last forever.

   Before Snoop Dogg had his "foshizzle", Willy Wonka had his "Scrumdiddlyumptious" bar!

   I am a Social Drinker, and since facebook is a social network.... I drink while I am on it lol

   Am sorry but that Progessive Insurance chick " DISCOUNT !!! " .... ya her! she pretty hot !!

   EVERYBODY needs to get their heads out of their @$$'s the world is not going to end next year! in 2000 they said that something was going to happen, and nothing EVER did!

   so the technology exists allowing us to watch TV and movies in 3-D or HD, but when it comes to security camera footage it still looks like it's being shot with the camera from Blair Witch Project."

   Don't be fooled; foil has a tendencey to glitter more than gold..

   Life is a beach, I'm just playin' in the sand...

   I wish google would stop saving my searches. My girlfriend googled Apples the other day and with just the letter A, Google suggested Asian Ass Porn.

   Sept. 11th (NY) ... Jan. 11th (HAITI) ... March 11th (JAPAN) .... Luke 21:10-11 : How many times do I have to see this? Hey wingnuts, get your dates right before you post !! Google Haiti's earthquake and check out the date! 12 Jan 2010 ( NOT 11 Jan).

   Irish I was a little bit taller, Irish I was a baller. Irish I had a girl who looked good I would call her.

   Please FB, if not permanently, then at least on April Fool's Day...when people poke me, make the button give a sudden loud buzz and frighten the crap out of them :)..x

   I was Home School Valedictorian!

   Sometimes what is said is not what is meant and what is meant is left unsaid.

   I found the key to success...however, I found a note from success's landlord saying that the locks have been changed.

   Whoever at Comedy Central decided that they should allow The Situation to be a roast should be fired. His set was more painful than getting a three-fingered prostate exam!

   Females who have multiple abortions should really start making it their business to swallow.