Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The awkward moment when you accidentally call your teacher 'Mom.'

   Everyone has the power to make someone else happy. Some do it by entering the room, while others do it by leaving.

   That awkward moment when Eminem eats M&Ms, Flo Rida goes to Florida and 50 Cent has 2 quarters

   Snooki is going to be hosting WWE raw on monday. Finally, a good match for Hornswoggle

   So who's going to give up Facebook for Lent? Now there's a sacrifice. ;)

   Some people should really consider giving up AIR for Lent... just sayin'

   I got kicked out of the Casino for misunderstanding the use of a crap table

   If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.

   Test tube babies shouldn't throw stones.

   Excellent time to become a missing person.

   Just plead the Fifth -- or drink it -- either way.

   Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.

   The moment someone tells you that you're not good enough is the moment you know you're better than them.

   I don't have an attitude problem. I have an attitude that you have a problem with. Therefore, I just have an attitude!

   If you can't afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don't know where you are!

   If you think I talk too much, let me know. We can talk about it.

   Today marks the anniversary of the death of The Notorious BIG. Dinner tonight will consist of t-bone steak, cheese, eggs and Welch's grape.

   Justin Bieber's first name isn't really Justin... all his previous boyfriends nicknamed him that for some small reason.

   I hear drinking wet cement can get you really stoned!!

   I lost my Viagara down the toilet....Now I have hard water!