Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Parents call it "talking back" we call it explaining.

   on the days I don't show up to work, ima tell my boss, I didn't miss work, I missed practice, we not talking about work here, we're talking about PRACTICE!

   For some strange reason, no matter where I go, the place is always called "here"

   Lindsey Lohan speaks out.....who cares, we quit you. Go Charlie Go Charlie

   Lindsey Lohan is on the back burner now, her comment..."oh no he didn't"

   why do all the women on Maury SCREAM when they talk?

   Lindsey Lohan wants to work again. The community service over all ready?

   “Come on, dude. Grow a pear.” - farmer to a barren tree

   Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!!

   I'm in time out because apparently riding the dog like a small pony is outlawed in this house...grrrrr

   Looking back on my childhood....I'm sure Daffy Duck was on that drug "Charlie Sheen".

   An elderly woman at an ATM asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her over.

   The NEW Black Panthers? what happened to the OLD Black Panters.?

   I would kill to see a Dave Chapelle Charley Murphy: True Hollywood Story of Charlie Sheen... :\

   At the mall this weekend.... The angry parents screaming for their son "Marco!!!" did not find it amusing when I kept yelling "POLO!!!" back at them from my dressing room.

   Just because you a ten cent hoe don't make you a dime piece

   Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, thats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!!

   Charlie Sheen is Kenny Powers with more money.

   Our government are sounding more and more like a GEICO commerical.

   When a quiz is NOT multiple choice... You know you're screwed.