Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I just bought the NEW Charlie Sheen viewmaster...it flips all by itself..crickets..crickets..

   Urban Outfitters clothes size exchange rate,  XL=94 pound 5th grader...

   If you watch 127 hours backwards it's an uplifting story about a disabled man finding an arm in the desert.

   I'm humored that libya produces less than 2 percent of the worlds oil but speculation has put it roughly 30 percent up at the pump in the past weeks. But what do I know

   Free Tibet* --- *with the purchase of another Tibet of equal or greater value.

   we all know "watch a movie" means "I wanna be in the dark with you"

   changing my Facebook name to "Nobody", that way I can 'like' a stupid status and it will read "Nobody likes this."

   This is where I plan on retiring: Go to Google Maps, hit these coordinates 45.55243,6.453428 in the search bar. Now back away on the map until the town name appears. Oh yeah, that's it. LOL!

   Muammar Gaddafi continues his control over Libya saying in a press conference "No one better lay a finger on my butterfinger"

   super excited cause In 21st century relationships.. you can touch each other's private parts BUT you can't touch each other's cell phones because they are PRIVATE!

   Signs you are getting old: My friend was asked last week how she can sleep so early at night, and answered, "an eyemask." The person who asked wanted to know how an iMask worked.

   all men are born with their very own personal Shake Weight.

   Sometimes I feel like only Google understands what I'm trying to say...

   Oh so the "wind is blowing" huh? Thanks for that description genius. But tell me this, have you ever felt wind that doesn't blow?

   Hi welcome to Hollister, Would you like a flashlight?

   Your In ur bed, it's 6 AM,u close ur eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school, it's 1:30,u close your eyes for 5 minutes,it"s 1:31

   You know that you are broke when your bologna has no first name.

   Do headphones just tie themselves in knots while we're not looking?

   Just a kind thought to all those born on February 29th: You've only got 1 year left to plan your birthday party :D

   Mike Tyson reality show? somebody kill me now.