Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 99 of 6384
OK. Who is the genius who decided to call it Box Wine and not Cardboardeaux?
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02-15-2018 08:32
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Today’s hairstyle at Walmart is called, “And I didn’t brush my teeth either.”
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02-17-2018 14:36
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If someone doesn't get started on my laundry soon I'll be wearing a suit to cut the grass tomorrow morning
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02-23-2018 15:25
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Jack and Jill went up the hill, to fetch a pail of water. But with your help, we can put a well in their home village. Hi, I'm Sarah McLachlan....
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03-08-2018 10:10
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Any way I see it Jack and Jill were both idiots... Who in the hell goes up hill to find water?
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03-08-2018 14:09 by JohnY
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I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get caught up in one of those "Eat right and exercise" scams
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03-10-2018 04:26
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I just got a gig as lead singer for my car.
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03-24-2018 09:14 by markf
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Ultimately, I have no hard feelings, wherever my missing socks go, I hope they find happiness
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03-26-2018 14:59
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You really can't say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
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04-10-2018 15:33
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Some days parenting's like The Sound of Music but with less singing and more hiding from the Nazis.
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04-12-2018 00:14
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Celebrate Thanksgiving by giving people the bird.
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11-12-2018 04:11 by Ha.ha
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If laziness was an Olympic sport, I would want to come in Fourth so I wouldn't have to walk up to the podium.
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11-12-2018 09:56
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I know winter has started when my neighbor returns my rake, and borrows my snow shovel .
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12-05-2018 14:50 by Joker
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I never understood how the little drummer boy’s parents could just send him outside alone at night to play his drum until my daughter brought a recorder home from school.
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12-07-2018 18:12
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My goal weight it to be able to breathe while tying my shoes.
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12-22-2018 07:27
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You know how TV commercials for burgers places make the burger look much better in the picture than they do in real life? Yeah, that's FaceBook
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12-30-2018 09:55 by Mr.Sharp
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People who confuse the word "burro" and "burrow" don't know their ass from a hole in the ground.
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02-07-2019 19:49
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Facebook - The only place in the world you can be social while being antisocial.
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02-21-2019 03:51
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When my dog hears another dog down the street, he always looks at me like I had something to do with it.
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04-25-2019 05:52
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IT'S 2019 Why Isn't there like a booth to get my abs developed in an hour or less yet ?
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05-09-2019 16:15
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