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Music is much more enjoyable if you listen with your eyes shut. It is also more enjoyable if the people sitting near you would listen with their mouths shut
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12-08-2017 04:21
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It's better to be kissed by a fool than to be fooled by a kiss.
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12-15-2017 13:59 by
@BlackieBino1
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I named my WiFi after my last girlfriend because it's never fully connected with me. And also because I caught my neighbor using it.
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02-07-2018 10:28 by
MDS
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Women who say the quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach hasn't seen his browser history
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02-08-2018 03:07
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I want my tombstone to read; "I don't know where ya’ll gonna get your laughs now"
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03-25-2018 06:54
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remember the time you confused a life lesson for a soulmate?
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03-30-2018 14:53
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My therapist thanked me for making her decision to retire early much easier. So I’ve got that going for me.
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09-28-2020 09:41
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I love Bruce Lee because he studied art and poetry and decided the most beautiful form of self expression is punching someone in the face
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10-12-2020 08:15
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It turns out that you can only spray so many people down with Febreze before they fire you as a Wal Mart greeter.
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03-10-2019 09:27
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I just bought a JVC LCD 4K 3D UHD TV. The rest of the alphabet was out of stock.
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08-23-2017 14:36
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As soon as someone makes a time machine I'm going back to when being fat & pale was a sign of nobility.
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03-21-2017 09:36
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"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. " Mark Twain.
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05-19-2018 23:37 by
Mark.Twain
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7,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for injuries sustained from fireworks. Don’t be a statistic, let your friend light the fuse
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06-26-2018 15:30
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Cleaning all the straws out of my glove box cause I would not want any straw sniffing dogs to find my stash!
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08-07-2018 11:20
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Does rocking a vending machine count as exercise?
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09-17-2018 13:00 by
Truman
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Why do the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?....any scholars out there?
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09-27-2018 01:30
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If they criticize your driving, look them straight in the eye while you turn their airbag off.
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11-01-2018 05:34
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I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
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04-17-2018 13:19
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I’m at that age where all my friends have husbands and babies and all I’ve got is time and money.
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04-21-2018 08:47
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My bank account is a pit stop where money comes to hold its breath before proceeding to where it was destined for.
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04-30-2018 13:02
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