Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Joran van der Sloot arrested for murder? Wow! If only there were warning signs.

   Whenever I feel unproductive and unaccomplished, I have to remind myself that "Windows 7 was my idea." That always lifts me up a little.

   not easy reading a diary through binoculars from a tree.

   It is difficult to be stupid... competition is huge...

   I'm ok with my masculinity, enough to eat a Blow Pop in public. But I won't swallow the gum.

   Save your breath...no one wants to smell it.

   A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is one who hopes they are.

   Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

   I see myself as one day being an old man in an assisted living facility crushing my pill cups with my bare hands to impress the nurses.

   Has it occurred to ANYONE that if you can organize that many people to protest, you can organize that many people to clean up you community and get rid of the criminal element causing the problem? Where's that rally?

   Whoa whoa, calm down Swiffer commercials, you're just a wet paper towel on a stick .

   Hey, If American women are outraged at a presidential candidate's use of Naughty words .... Who the heck bought those ... 80 MILLION COPIES OF 50 SHADES OF GREY????

   If your boyfriend remembers your eye colour after the first date, then you probably have small B**Bs

   It must be awkward when GPS tells gay people to go straight

   To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.

   it's so quiet at Hillary Clinton's campaign HQ you can almost hear an email getting deleted 😂

   "Oh, so that's what they meant by Silent Majority!" -------- Hillary Clinton

   Martin L King ... Looted nothing, Burned nothing, Attacked .... NO ONE ....... Yet ... CHANGED THE WORLD. Time for people to wake up ..... It's the mind ... Not the emotions that holds the power.

   The Constitution is Good

   Flat screens are nice and all, but they'll never compare to the television/record player/ liquor cabinet combo extravaganza we had as kids.