Funny Status Messages

   Some of you are out here driving like your turn signal’s free trial ended and you’re all out of blinks

   Suddenly, people who can't pay back their student loans are now experts on tariffs and the stock market.

   If we tell people the brain is an app, maybe they’ll start using it.

   What's sad is our new leftist extremist has no audience anywhere else, so he's decided to set up shop here. A dying site that hasn't been poignant in years.

   I may not cast the first stone but I'll sure as hell cast the last one.

   I'm so single, I'm chasing myself around the house playing hard to get!!!

   I need to stop talking to myself. I'm a bad influence.

   Any website can be a dating website... if you're from India.

   For those wondering if walls work, they do, I went to china, didnt see one Mexican

   Silly sane people...bags are for gas.

   My Dominatrix is so cruel and kinky, she makes me drink orange juice right after I brush my teeth.

   Look. Anyone can make a mistake. When President Trump imposed a 10% tariff on penguins, he innocently thought they were retired nuns.

   Man this guy can't have any friends. Hell, I wish he lived near by just so I could put a knot on his head

   He's 5 steps ahead of you, you orangutan.

   I hate being bi-polar. It's really awesome.

   OK. Whose bright idea was it to call it "Boob Sweat" and not "Humidtitties"?

   I do my part to bring people together by putting “Free BBQ” signs in random yards around town.

   Johnny Depp gets 15 million dollars for being with a nut job. And all these years I've been doing it for free!

   The difference between superman and I. Superman has super vision ,I require supervision!

   Dear Teenage Pop-Tart taking a picture of yourself wearing a bikini in your bathroom mirror: I do not want to be your friend. Please go away. (Does your mother know you do this?)