Funny Status Messages

   whispering sweet nothings in your boyfriends ear...as we speak

   How do the angels get to sleep when the devil leaves the porch light on?

   Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container? :)

   Instead of asking pregnant friends if they know the baby’s gender, I ask if they know the species, that way I don’t have to worry about being invited to the baby shower

   we know your from Michigan If you know which leaves make good toilet paper.

   If it was the other way around, I doubt one cat would take in 24 old ladies.

   If you're feeling down becausecoffee your dating life, just remember, Matt Gaetz didn't have a high-school date until he was 38-years old.

   Did the Colonel really call President Obama his son?? Why am I not surprised.........

   in a relationship with Kate Gosselin.

   your "sofa king we todd did"

   It’s Donald Duck’s birthday. Today Donald is 84... Donald wears a sailor hat and a sailor shirt and nothing else. When I go out like that, I get arrested.

   If you raise your children, you spoil your grand kids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grand kids.

   picking a bone with you

   Been walking like an Egyptian and need to visit a Cairopractor.

   Do nudists have anxiety dreams where they show up to events clothed?

   Neighbor kid just told me he let a girl “borrow” his hoodie. Should I tell him now or let him learn?

   the world that tramp lives in any wheres near the land of OZ?

   Everytime I see someone not wearing a mask in public that alternative Queen song that goes No mask on your face you big disgrace spreading your germs all over the place pops into my head.

   I may be ugly but I'm vaccinated!

   If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn't let you skip