Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   If dentist make money from people with bad teeth. Why should we use a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 of them reconmend?

   I Went to the Valentine's day parade downtown, it was nothing more than a drunk guy wandering around with heart on.

   Questioning me about stupid things like why there’s a wine cork floating in the toilet is why I don't invite people to my house.

   Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.

   come from a long line of people who ruin things.

   Complicate your life by telling people how you really feel.

   I don't hate people, I just feel better when they're not around.

   Today's challenge! Walk with the parade and wave, and make people wonder who you are.

   I saw some black kids spraypainting their names on a wall and decided to join in. I'd only done the first three letters of my name when they started beating the sh*t out of me. They obviously don't like people called Nigel.

   When people ask me "Plz" because it's shorter than "Please" I tell them "No" because it's shorter than "Yes."

   I farted on the bus today and 4 people turned around. I felt like I was on The Voice!

   People who spread their germs make me sick.

   I hate when people ruin my status by commenting with their lack of humor.

   Its amazing how the people with no job always have a bag of weed on them.

   I love how people say they're "expecting" a baby, as though it might be something else, like a penguin or a lawnmower.

   It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.

   Every time I use a public bathroom, one thought occurs..."Seriously? This many people have Sharpies on them at all times?"

   You can't afford a bar of soap, but Beer,, Cigarettes,, & $700 worth of tattoos is not a problem?.. This is why sometimes I have a hard time feeling bad for most people

   wishes he could delete people in real life as fast as he can his facebook friends.

   I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.