Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   10% of people genuinely care about your problems. The other 90% are glad that you've got them.

   I wish I loved anything as much as people in yogurt commercials love eating yogurt.

   n't it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don't know what ironic means.

   Do people just get up and think about what they can be offended by today?

   It used to be only captured criminals covered their faces with their jackets... Now it's people telling pollsters how they're going to vote.

   What does "prices too low to advertise" mean? Are they afraid if they advertise the price that too many people will want to buy it?

   I have no problem with the Kardashians. I have a problem with the people who care about them.

   If my dog has taught me anything, it's avoid people at all cost and take as many naps as possible

   Stop naming hospitals after dead people. I'm mean give us some hope? Where is the Keith Richards Memorial Hospital?

   When I go swimming I can feel people dressing me with their eyes.

   If people are going to judge me they should at least hold up scorecards so I know how I'm doing.

   I'm convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.

   HA ... The Government says that 93 Million people are out of work but yet say that Unemployment is only at 5% ..... The total population of the US is 325 Million so I guess they're using Common Core Math to arrive at that result.

   With the way humanity follows directions, I look for a lot of people to need a seeing eye dog soon

   I stopped eating natural foods when I found out that most people die from natural causes.

   my favorite posts on fb are the people who apologize for not having be on in a while and nobody cares that they're back

   If the world was flat like some people say my girlfriend's cat would have pushed me off the edge years ago.

   When I go jogging, I listen to a portable CD player, so people think I’ve been running for 10 years.

   You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I'm in a liquor store.

   I don't understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What's next, more things?? That's how they get you