Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People getting out of prison will probably be on Myspace now saying "Where's everybody at?"

   People are worried about global warming and social security when the real crisis is that we aren't far from eldery drivers knowing how to text.

   I don't get "drunk" during the holidays I get "festive".

   People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.

   I hate when I'm singing and people join in. B*tch, this aint glee.

   The hardest thing you can hit people with is the truth.

   I'd drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.

   I wish more people were fluent in silence.

   Women are weird. Hundreds of people can tell them they're beautiful but they'll obsess over the one person that doesn't.

   It should be made legal to strangle people to death who ruin Facebook wallposts because they didn't get the sarcasm so post a serious reply.

   There's a special place in Hell for people who call to see if you got their email.

   What's with these people on facebook who never particpate on your page at all, yet act all weird when you decline attending their $tupid event?

   The only thing I hate more than people who make fun of other people is people who don't laugh when I do it.

   hates it when people say "plan in advance" or "plan ahead". Just say "plan"! Obviously its developed in advance and before, thats what a plan is!

   I think the world would be way cooler if we would have domesticated the bear instead the horse. Oh you pranced around, jumped a stick and ate some hay? Big deal, my bear just ate a hobo, paw'd a bee hive then roared so hard deaf people heard it.

   so your telling me that facebook is gonna start charging money monthly? You remind of the people that told me that about Hotmail.. TEN YEARS AGO!"

   It would be some much easier for me to be compassionate, if compassionate meant smacking people in the head.

   First drink & people speak their mind, 2nd drink people speak their heart. 3rd drink & people speak from their ass

   If there is a window of opportunity ... why the hell does it knock? Shouldn't it be a door? No wonder so many people miss opportunities. They answer the door, not the window.

   <~~When I die I don't want to be in a casket at the Funeral Home..I want them to prop me up sitting in the front row just to mess with people as they walk in ;)