Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don't.

   You know your phone can take pictures of other people too right? Just checking.

   Due to the holiday my status will be closed... I Will reopen tomorrow at 8am. Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.. Enjoy your day people!!

   Thinks its funny when people read someone elses status & start to wonder if it has something to do with them.

   Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

   Facebook is basically a crazy house. People poke each other all day, have an imaginary pet, farm, and city, talk to walls, and have random arguments with people.

   There are so many people looking for Bin Laden, I think they should also search for Joyce Dewitt from Three's Company. She vanished over 20 years ago. Not even TMZ seem to know where she is.

   You're one of those people who pushes when the door says pull aren't you?

   it's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now sounds a little better than, it's 1:15, I'm trashed & horny...

   When people ask me if I'm working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they're hurting hard or hardly hurting.

   Some people say I'm a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you're fired"

   Do you want people to accept you as you are? Or do you want them to like you?

   Why is it that I have to take medication to stop myself from slapping people who need to take medication?

   The VMA's is the only day out of every year that MTV pretends to care about music.. Then its back to the pregnant teens, jersey people in italy, and sweet 16 birthday parties

   Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn't like.

   How in the hell do people spell your name wrong on facebook when it's right in front of them?!

   Some people cry when they cut onions. I try not to form an emotional bond.

   Dear Lord; If my happiness bothers some people, please give them their own happiness so they wont bother hating on mine.

   When I was a kid I thought room service was for rich people. Now I realize it's for lazy, hungover people who can't find their pants.

   People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.