Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I cant stand when people say a babies age in months after a year old. "Yeah he's 29 months old", B$tch don't make me do math.

   All status updates posted on my wall are purely fictional any resemblance to actual people, places or events is purely coincidental.

   People are saying the voting age should be 16. Twilight won 9 teen shoice awards. You really want them voting for the next president?

   People would never be late if the Mario "running out of time" music started playing a few minutes before.

   I love when people dig their own grave. It saves me so much time.

   5 out of 6 people enjoy playing Russian Roulette

   I'm surprised more people don't Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.

   The bad news is that Tiger Woods and Jesse James admit to being sex addicts. The good news is that there's a club for that called The Rest of the World. They meet daily with other people with unique problems like "I work too hard for not enough money."

   I look at people sometimes and think..for real? That's the sperm that won?

   I always see more people walking into Sam's Club than out of Sam's Club, but the meat's cheap, so I don't ask questions.

   They always say that the hottest person at the party never gets approached because people are intimidated to talk to them. I'm just going to assume that this is me... It would explain so much.

   There are only 2 types of honest people in this world, small children & drunk people

   To people who say love is more important than money, have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug?

   if you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.

   I think sharks eat people just to get on tv.

   Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.

   There are two types of people in this world: Those who have a Facebook account and those who shouldn't have a Facebook account.

   So pathetic when some people use Facebook as their drama diary. Every. Freakin. Day.

   I can always tell when I'm drunk. I tend to drop things...like my standards

   Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it's a brighter day.