Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 326 of 6385
Wouldn't it be nice to have the wisdom of a 90 year old, the body of a 20 year old, and the energy of a 5 year old.
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01-14-2019 17:15
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Only resort to violence if necessary like if a coworker says "another day in paradise".
Bank Teller: "Sir, your account is overdrawn." Me: "So are your eyebrows, but you made it work, didn't you?"
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03-16-2019 07:11
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If you don't smile and show everyone your teeth when you're eating Oreos then you're probably more mature than me.
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05-13-2019 11:47
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Mayonnaise is basically sandwich moisturizer.
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05-30-2019 06:24
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I really don’t understand why my neighbors have to be outside when I’m outside.
Will I be able to drink with these? - First question when prescribed meds
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09-24-2019 15:24
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Newt Gingrich is calling for a new House Committee on Un-American Activities. I thought that was just called Congress.
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06-15-2016 15:37
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French toast is just toast that's surrendered.
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06-17-2016 14:50
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Being clean and sober means i've showered and am heading to the liquor store.
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06-18-2016 10:07
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My phone has better health insurance than I do.
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06-21-2016 04:15
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Pixar announces, 'Finding Nemo 3, The Search of Future Revenue.'
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06-22-2016 14:56
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Should you tell your neighbor that leaving their six porch lights on all day makes their Prius rather redundant?
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06-26-2016 01:56
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Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
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06-26-2016 22:42
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Trump or Hillary? Top socket or bottom socket?
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08-04-2016 09:53
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Fun Fact: Ryan Lochte originally took up swimming because his pants were always on fire.
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08-22-2016 14:51
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Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?.. <YES>.. Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?. <YES>.. Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?
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09-05-2016 15:50 by Snotty
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The winds of change can blow me.
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09-11-2016 13:37 by Aaron
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If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave..
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10-15-2016 05:40
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I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
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10-18-2016 11:15
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