Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 317 of 6385
Oh, the good old days before Facebook, when you didn't care whether anyone "liked" you or not.
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01-26-2012 21:42 by BEGO
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I belong to a gym...let me rephrase that, I don't belong there. but I go anyway....
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03-12-2011 10:34 by Van
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When you stop chasing the wrong things, you give the right things a chance to catch you.
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03-14-2011 19:12
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.569 seconds...the amount of time it takes me to get away from a spider.
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02-09-2011 21:29
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Rock bottom is good solid ground, and a dead end street is just a place to turn around.
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02-19-2011 16:15
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All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy!"
just ripped a hole in my American Eagle jeans. I'd be mad but I think they just went up in value..
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03-04-2011 23:39 by Vivus
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Nothing screams "I don't care about being on time for work" like hopping on Facebook first thing in the morning.
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05-24-2011 16:56
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Sometimes I think that life is one big test...and I'm in the wrong classroom.
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04-13-2011 22:53 by J. BIAZA
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We the unwilling, led by the unqualified, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.
I bet Bin laden now reqrets letting his Facebook "Check In" at his current location
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05-02-2011 11:39 by CJ
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bin Laden's last words..."hey, did you hear your Iphone is secretly tracking where you are, crazy right?"
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05-02-2011 15:41
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saw another of those adverts telling me to send my gold in an envelope addressed to Cash for Gold...... Sorry, but I just don't trust my postman that much.
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05-04-2011 12:08
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Alcohol kills slowly...So what? Who's in a hurry?
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05-09-2011 17:29 by mikael-p.
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I feel like when someone in a heated argument turns to me and says "You agree with me right?" What they are really asking is "Am I going to have to yell at you like this dumbass over here?"
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05-19-2011 22:15 by BEGO
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If I text with "Almost there!" I haven't left yet.
I'd like to thank my ex for making me see how I shouldn't be treated
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10-13-2011 10:43
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It's Official: Both Hillary and Donald are now more unpopular than wearing Crocs with socks.
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07-09-2016 05:11
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My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs... I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber.
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07-28-2016 11:34 by udit
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Theoretically if China went to the moon and knocked over our flag what would we do about it
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09-05-2016 21:10 by Aaron
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