Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I hate married people who act single.

   When two people are meant for each other, no time is too long, no distance is too far and no one can ever tear them apart.

   You call it armed robbery, I call it people giving me gifts to celebrate my new gun!

   She's fat, I'm drunk, IT'S ON!

   When one person suffers from delusion, it is called insanity.When many people suffer from delusion, it is called religion....

   FYI: A ton of people is only like ten or fifteen people.... or 5 Wal-mart customers

   i hope you're happy people..y'all jus sued your way into no cracker jack toy.. if your kid choked thats called natural selection, not have a retard an be a millionairre

   I believe in Karma, Mainly because I can do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it .

   People who walk on I-95 are so friendly. I've gone past 3 in the last hour and they all gave me the thumbs up.

   Getting drunk and waking up in strange places is the only kind of vacation I can afford.

   guns don't kill people, husbands who come home early kill people

   People say I have an attitude problem. I disagree. It's my attitude, but it's their problem!!!

   I'd rather hear my parents describe how they have sex than hear a group of drunk chicks when their favorite song comes on.

   It's difficult to have a committed relationship with a schizophrenic. They're always seeing other people.

   I hate people that eat like there's no tomorrow and don't get fat.

   ♫♪ It's a quarter after one; I'm a little drunk and I need you now....♪♫ Sounds just a tad better than it's 1:15, I'm Trashed & Horny let's get busy...

   I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket"

   A lot of people look up to me.....it's nice being tall.

   I thought about buying Hillary Clinton's latest book until Amazon suggested that people who bought this item also bought boots, plastic sheeting, lye, and shovels

   teens are getting drunk on Purell. But to be fair, it tastes better than Jagermeister.