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Gorilla Glue works best if you want your fingers stuck to whatever’s broken but you don’t actually want to fix it.
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09-26-2019 13:45
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Whenever you're having a bad day, think of the guy who has to put the circus tent back in its bag.
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09-26-2019 13:46
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Before Facebook I had to disappoint people in person
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09-26-2019 15:28
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Been working out. Pretty sure I can beat up half the kids from "Stranger Things" now.
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09-26-2019 15:30
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Cool Fact:Fred Flintstone was the first ever man to become a vitamin
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12-20-2019 11:13
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My girlfriend asked me when I last had s ex with someone that wasn't her. I said.... "back in '06". It sounds much better than "June"
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07-20-2016 23:26 by
jcow1den
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I saw a totally hot MILF spank her child today at McDonalds after he threw his fries on the ground. So I threw my fries on the ground....!!!
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07-29-2016 01:11
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Behind every boss there are employees wondering if going to prison for felony assault would really be all that bad...
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08-02-2016 09:30
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Grew up in the south so for me a fancy restaurant was a place that offered you the choice of biscuit or cornbread.
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08-11-2016 05:46
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And when I die, this will all be yours...... *points to plastic bags filled with other plastic bags
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08-17-2016 23:29 by
Snotty
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I'm 100% convinced that for every sock that is lost in the dryer one comes back as an extra Tupperware lid
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09-01-2016 01:32 by
Kewlgreg
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Q-Tips. The only product that warns you against its only use.
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09-09-2016 15:49
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come on folks.... bring on the funnies
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10-13-2016 16:09
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"Erectile Dysfunction" is such a harsh term. Why not just call it "Sleepy Peepee?"
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10-15-2016 05:03
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Supermoon was OK... But according to Rotten Tomatoes, still way better than Supermoon v Batmoon.
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11-14-2016 20:00 by
snotty
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What if Ghosts try to kill you only because they want you as a friend? You ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself.
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11-26-2016 03:14
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I'll be home for Christmas.....and in therapy by New Years.
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12-08-2016 09:12
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Things Irish people simply won't do on St. Patrick's Day: 1) Drink green beer. 2) Twerk with leprechauns. 3) Spend $40 on dollar store stuff.
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03-14-2017 04:57
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Discovery Channel - Conspiracies and Myths "Finding The Tooth Fairy" is on...... I hope they find her, she owes me money.
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09-15-2010 15:39 by
TD
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I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds, but then I got a Facebook Account and now I'm over it.
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07-17-2012 22:07 by
BEGO
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