Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Dear Fellow Americans, we need to stop making stupid people famous.

   I have just painted a blue square on the garden to trick people viewing Google Earth into thinking I have a swimming pool!

   The courthouse is a really great place to see people with neck tattoos wearing ties.

   On the 14th of December I'm going to call people and say "7 Days" then hang up.

   The information age, does anyone else find it just a little bit ironic that it has produced so many uninformed people.

   Irony of a woman – she spends hours putting on makeup, exotic perfume, expensive jewellery and outfit but when people finally look at her the first thing they say, "Wow nice a$$"

   Remember when phones were stupid and people were smart? Good times

   We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.

   People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you're watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.

   People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties.

   thinks that some days it would be nice to build a life size "Whack-a-Mole" game, and choose 9 lucky people to put in it!

   I'm HAVING A DINNER party tomorrow,how many boxes of cheerios do I need to feed 8 people ..

   Social media - keeping people away from each other since 2006.

   When you think your life couldn't be any more pathetic, remember some people have more than 1 Facebook account.

   Why do people say "Tuna Fish sandwich?" That's like saying "Chicken Bird sandwich."

   I hate when people say, "I gotta get my body right for the summer." ...like, wtf are you going to do about your face???

   You're only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!

   I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”

   She said "I think we should see other people." What I heard was "I already have a guy who's been on reserve for months."

   People don't call each other jive ass turkey enough nowadays.