Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Really needs to stop making friends with random people at 7-11 while intoxicated

   Most people find it difficult to accept change. But from my experience its impossible to get strippers to accept it.

   People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't.. Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my grandfather.

   mailing out 'blank inside' note cards to all the people that make me crazy...let them go crazy trying to figure out where it came from and what it should have said...

   I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.

   Just because I tell you that I love you does not mean I really do. I might be drunk. Or just really, really horny.

   WWE: 2 people fighting over a belt even though neither of them is wearing pants.

   A recent study estimated that 8% of all Facebook accounts are fake… unless you count people's personalities, then that number jumps to 93%.

   I'm making a list of people I like. The ones who say "autumn" instead of "fall" are the first ones I'm crossing off

   People always say to me "Oh your a Male Nurse". My professions the ONLY one with a need to identify gender. Ya never hear "A Male Mailman handles my Mail". How would a Cop react if after pulling you over said smiling "Ooooh a MALE policeman!"

   Some people were dropped as children..But YOU my friend were clearly thrown at a wall!

   SARCASM- Because beating the crap out of people up is an offence.

   Seems like MTV is moments away from just using people's vacation footage as television programming.

   People only speak about your life because their own lives are nothing to speak of.

   People who put the toilet paper roll facing in are the worst human beings.

   There are two things a man can never hide: 1. When he`s drunk, and 2. and when he's in love...

   When I get old, I don't want people thinking, "what a sweet old grandpa..." I want them to worry - "I hope he is not armed with AK 47..."

   Yes, people who exercise live longer. But those extra years are spent...umm...excercising!

   Pizza Hut is selling a pizza with hotdogs in the crust???... Aren't the type of people who order this,, the same people who aren't able to waddle quick enough to answer the door?

   Dear People, Please stop all the period jokes. Sincerely, Everyone's Ovary Acting