Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 139 of 6384
Seen a midget carrying a plasma TV to his car and a yelled out, “Hey buddy! Need help carrying that TV?” He shouted, “It’s an iPAD A$$HOLE!”
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02-12-2018 16:18
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Shout out to all the motel maids changing the sheets and the plumbers unclogging the hair filled drains this morning.
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02-15-2018 07:36
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I admit women are hard to figure out. Like, why do they tilt their head in pictures ?
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02-15-2018 07:51
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If it's really the thought that counts, we're all screwed.
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02-21-2018 22:03
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Heading to WcDonald's for a Big Wac
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03-09-2018 07:07
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Be a good person, but don’t waste time proving it.
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03-10-2018 08:09
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Golf would be a lot more fun to watch on TV if the balls were on fire
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03-19-2018 15:19
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Key to any successful marriage is to discuss everything together and then finally settling with the wife's decision
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03-23-2018 04:53
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1998: That guy is using a cell phone, probably a drug dealer. 2018: That guy is using a payphone, probably a drug dealer.
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03-24-2018 09:29
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A Pop Tart is really just a dessert Hot Pocket...
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03-24-2018 23:24
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I did 50 squats today and I still can't find my lighter!
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04-07-2018 00:13
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Sorry Facebook ... you didn't protect me, my kids and grandma's secret peach cobbler recipe. You're now the new MySpace to me.
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04-09-2018 06:38
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My wife is an animal in bed, a sloth..
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04-15-2018 11:36
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My kid wouldn’t eat it after he ordered it so I had to: A parents guide.
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08-07-2020 09:09
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Neutering our dog was the best thing we ever did. Made him less nuts.
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09-14-2020 12:43 by DJJackson
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i’ve always wanted to be a whistleblower but unfortunately I don’t know anything
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09-15-2020 15:15
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I hope we’ve all come to the realization that huggers were the problem all along.
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10-21-2020 06:08
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Has decided to sell my nudes, $5 to get one, $25 to NOT get one.
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10-28-2020 06:30
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I should have been a geologist. Everyday, I manage to hit a new rock bottom.
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01-25-2021 22:01
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Fellas; Someone you are unable to hang out with when you are broke is not your girlfriend. That’s a prostitute.
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11-11-2018 03:17
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